Jack Sparrow is Dying... Of THIRST!

Theorists, have you ever heard of Captain Jack Sparrow? I'm pretty sure most of you have. What if I told you he was in trouble? Like DEADLY trouble? No, I don't mean from undead pirates or Davy Jones himself. I'm talking about good old dehydration. That's right, this rum drinking pirate is DYING of thirst and it's all his fault!